The holidays are among us and tis the season for these Ho Ho Hoes to try to shoot their recycled shots. It is my duty to remind you that we got 2020 problems but an ex ain’t one. Although many people may have celebrated this holiday season differently than they have in the past, there’s one thing that will forever remain the same. Your past lovers will always try to use holidays and other special occasions as an alley-oop to electric slide back into your life. If he hasn’t reached out to you already, trust me, he will, and you need to be prepared. That’s why I’m sharing with you some of my standard go to responses to stay F-boy free.
A lot of men won’t come right out and tell you what they want so they’ll send basic text messages as bait instead. The most common starter text is the infamous “WYD?”. Beware of men who send abbreviated texts because if he’s too lazy to send you a full sentence when trying to get your attention, he’ll also probably be ill equipped to provide you what you need in a relationship. My initial advice is to completely ignore messages like these but if you absolutely have to respond, try to keep your replies to two words or less. So if he sends you “WYD?”, you can respond “Moving on.” This may upset him but he knew there was a chance you could curve him when he initiated contact so he’ll get over it. If not, he’ll try to continue the conversation by saying “How are you?”. I recommend replying “Life’s good” or “No complaints”. This may be hard for those of us who feel the need to send a novel in response to a man’s weak attempt to get your attention. Please don’t give him that much energy ladies. If you absolutely have to get some things off your chest, please have a group chat with your girlfriends to calm you down before you respond. Trust me, the underlying tone of your short responses is amplified and he’s hearing you loud and clear. So when you say “Life’s good”, you’re implying that your life is good now that he is no longer in it dimming your light. “No complaints” means that you have no complaints now that you are not associated with a dusty like him. In addition to refraining from typing a novel, please also refrain from saying “I’m fine” because he’s predictable and will likely use this as an invitation to tell you how gorgeous you are. “You sure are fine” he’ll say, “Man, you’ve been looking really good lately”. Don’t entertain his flattery. Simply reply, “I know” or “You’re right” because this is not new news. You’ve always been attractive and he needs to know that stating the obvious will get him nowhere.
After you’ve successfully avoided his initial advances, he’ll switch up his approach and try to gass you. Women usually respond favorably to compliments so he’ll praise you for any and every accomplishment you’ve made no matter how old. He’ll compliment you on the Masters of Business Administration degree that you earned ten years ago just to try to get in your good graces. He hopes that by letting you know how proud of you he is, you’ll soften up so he can run game on you. Simply say “Thank you”. Nothing more and nothing less. You’re dope and you don’t need him to confirm that. If he really wants to impress you he should ask you what bill you’d like him to pay so you know it’s real. Eventually, he’ll just come right out and say “I miss you” or “Let’s get back together”. At this point, you should just say “Jesus wept” because God is the only person who cares about what he is saying. You should have no sympathy for him because he wouldn’t have to miss you if he would’ve kept the same energy that he had when y’all first met.
If your past relationship was toxic and you didn’t like who you were when you were with them, you need to cut them off. What’s my favorite word? Blocked!! Blocking an ex is a sufficient way of avoiding calls and texts that could pull you back into some bull-ish. However, you still need to protect your energy because some men will get bold and just show up at your house. If you’re like me, you become completely defenseless in the presence of an ex. Especially if they look and smell good. I’m a sucker for a man than smells all wonderfully delicious and whatnot. You know the ones who pull up smelling like hopes and dreams, knowing good and well they are a nightmare. So do your best to avoid them at all costs!
Until next time remember that although it’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year; some of your exes are popping back up with only the intention of shooting your club up with their holiday cheer! Stay focused my friends.