Dating has always been difficult for me. In a perfect world, I would’ve met my husband in preschool and years later we’d be married. Since that didn’t happen, dating is a necessary evil. I purposely took a year hiatus from the dating scene to release any signs of bitterness as well as rid myself of any negative traits that contributed to the dismantling of previous relationships. Now that I have completed my journey to wholeness, it’s time to throw myself back the boxing ring of love. However, before I meet my match, I need to have a strategy just in case I get backed up on the ropes. So I crafted a list of 10 things to protect me from any jabs that are thrown my way. Let’s jump right in shall we. Please refrain from dating any men with the ten character traits listed below:

10. Avoid the Super Sexual Stud.

• Community peen is a no-no, ladies. It only leads to a broken heart and an unhealthy PH balance. Flee from men who offer their Winnie the Pooh services to lick the honey pot clean on the first date. Ninety-eight percent of the time, if you can get it that easily, so can every other chick on the block. 

9. Despise the man with wandering eyes.

• When dating a man, pay attention to who and what he pays attention to. He should be focused on you and only you. If another woman has his attention, leave expediciously and let her have him.  Also, if you constantly have to redirect his attention from your breasts to your face, please realize that he’s only there for one thing. Once he gets that thing, that thing, that thinggggg (Lauren Hill’s voice), he’s going to skedaddle and take a piece of your self-respect with him.

8. Discuss conflicting opinions on gender roles. 

• Several men believe in traditional gender roles. They want the woman to cook and clean all while being barefoot and pregnant. Personally, I’d rather carry Birkins instead of diaper bags, and that’s why it important to discuss your views on gender roles in the beginning of the relationship. If differences of opinions arise, you’ll need to decide whether you want to compromise or go your separate ways.   

7. Evaluate his relationship with his family and friends. 

• How does he feel about his mother? What type of relationship does he have with his dad?  If he never met his dad, what other father figures did he have in his life? If the person who taught him how to be a man spends most of his time down in the valley where the girls get naked (P-Valley), you might want to tread softly. Generational curses are real ladies so make sure you dig deep. Also, pay attention to the personalities in his friend group. Make sure he doesn’t have any jerks in his circle influencing his decisions.

6. Beware of men who have not dealt with their past.  

• If your man always blames his ex and never takes any responsibility for his contribution in past relationships, beware. You also want to pay attention to see how often he talks about his ex because if this she is always a main topic of discussion, he may not be over her. 

5.Ignore the 50/50 Dude.

• You already know I refuse to pay half of everything for a man to act a whole fool. I’m not a gold digger, I just firmly believe that a man should be the head of the household. If he’s having trouble paying for a couple of dates per week, how is he going to take care of a house and family. It’s all about being equally yoked. If you believe in financial freedom, investing and that cash is king, yet he spends all his money on lottery tickets, dime bags and the Four for Four combo from Wendy’s, save yourself the trouble.

4. A man who doesn’t have purpose, has no place in your life. 

• If he doesn’t even know what he wants to do with his life, how will he know what role you are to play in it? Going all the way back to the garden of Eden, God gave Adam the task of naming all the animals. It was and has always been a man’s job to label things, so if he can’t put a certified label on his life and provide direction for his own dealings, best believe there is no room for you. If he doesn’t give you a title, just know that you are being placed in the miscellaneous pile until something better comes along. Pick up your pride and exit stage left. 

3.  He needs to come whole or don’t come at all. 

• Wholeness is a curse word for some of us. Brokenness leads to broken relationships. If you’re not whole, you shouldn’t be dating because it has a trickledown effect. That whole “You complete me” was cute in the movie Jerry McGuire , but “You complete me” quickly turns into you becoming completely unstable if your wholeness box is left unchecked. Take the time to get whole before you start dating. Spend some time with God, talk to a therapist, complete my 30 day devotional, write a list of everything you learned from your past relationships and unpack your childhood trauma. Do the work sis, it’s worth it. 

2. A lack of communication means there is a lack of interest.  

• Communicating doesn’t just mean talking his ear off. It also means listening! Listen to what he’s saying as well as what he’s not saying to make sure you’re compatible. Be honest with him and ask specific questions to force him to be honest with you. What do you want? What do you expect? What won’t you tolerate? Know what’s important to you and get all of your deal breaker questions out the way in the beginning before you waste your time. Some men have mastered the art of communication and know exactly what to say to slide your panties down your legs while simultaneously sliding your legs over his shoulders, so keep your guard up. His words and his actions need to be aligned.  

1. Run away from men who aren’t actively seeking God.

• If he’s not submitting to God, you shouldn’t be trying to submit to him period! If he doesn’t know who to go to, to order his steps, how on earth can he lead you! Simply put, if God isn’t first in his life, you’ll definitely be last. I could go on forever about this topic but I’ll just end it by saying pray before you enter a serious relationship with anyone. I guarantee you’ll glow differently when God is in your bae’s ear telling him how to find your light.