In the past, I’ve hinted that closure isn’t necessary. I may have even said that it was a scam! As my life progresses and I increase my knowledge in the love/relationship space, I’ve realized that I may not have articulated my views on closure very well. So I’d like to revise some of my previous statements and provide more clarity on my views of the subject. Closing a chapter that is no longer serving you is a prerequisite for self-love and can be an absolutely beautiful experience if done properly. Although, closure is a vital part to severing ties, the other person’s presence is not necessary in order for you to do so. Let’s keep it one-hundred, how many times have you met up with an ex to get closure but what you really wanted was to get back together? This scenario typically yields the same result. Either y’all get back together, but the issues y’all were having still exist and y’all end up breaking up again. Or he denies your request to rekindle the flame and now you have to heal from being rejected not once, but twice. At the end of the day, y’all broke up. It sucks, but sometimes the closure convo can end up opening new wounds, or reopening old ones. So why not just let it be what is instead of trying to convince yourself, and others of what it is not? The disrespect was closure enough. The feeling lonely while being in a relationship is closure enough. The feeling unwanted is closure enough. Rip the band-aid off sis and move on.

This is no different than quitting a job that doesn’t acknowledge your value or never purchasing again from a company that provided you with lack luster products and/or poor customer service. Why are we quick to send back faulty merchandise but will fight to the death for a faulty man? Why do we realize we deserve more than minimum wage at a job but will accept minimum effort from a love interest? Our need to try to revive a lifeless relationship in the name of face-to-face closure, is preventing us from actually closing the chapter and moving forward to bigger and better things. If you can sit down with a past lover with no intention of re-entering the romantic connection, have at it. If not, please know you can very well obtain closure by doing the work yourself. This can range anywhere from spending time with God, meditating on self-love affirmations, and diving head first into self-esteem building rituals. Eating well, exercising, journaling and therapy are very helpful also. This is your journey! You are the main character of your movie! You do not have to answer to anyone if you choose not to invite your past into the next scene.

If you need more encouragement or tips on how to shift your mindset to see yourself through a pleasing lens, tap into The People PleaseHER Podcast!